AT LEAST I STILL HAVE MY BALLS

“But at least I still have my balls, Your Honor.”

I heard my lawyer emit a low hiss and out of the corner of my eye saw his glare directed at me. I thought a guy on an hourly rate as huge as his would have a little more self-control than that. He’d warned, or rather, begged me to stop saying that phrase, citing that we risked losing public sympathy. Public sympathy, apparently, sways judges into handing out shorter sentences.
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