The Seven Deadly Sins – Greed

by Vandemonium1

This story demonstrates my line in the sand of what constitutes unforgivable cheating.

Also, there are many stories of women giving their husbands a hard choice, without explaining the rationale behind her choice. This is my attempt to fill that niche.

This is a simple story with few of my usual twists and turns. There is little sex and the end is not extreme.

LIST OF CHARACTERS:

Dave: proud, virtuous husband with a strong sense of justice.

Lisa: good, but gullible housewife.

John: bog standard predator.

There, that should defuse at least half the critisisms. As Ian Fleming, Wilbur Smith, and Stephen King knew/know, fiction doesn’t have to be realistic.

Many thanks to XTCHR and CreativityTakesCourage for their improvements to this story.

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LISA SAT AT the kitchen table having just completed her latest review of her upcoming speech. She’d read it, re-read it, and re-re-read it again, looking for that fatal flaw. But it wasn’t there. In three pages of notes, she not only had all her arguments, but also every anticipated counter argument, with counters to those. Finally, she concluded that with this speech she could not lose. Sure, she may not win, but at least she couldn’t lose. She thought briefly on what she did have to lose. That brought a smile to her face. No, it was way too much, she couldn’t dare risk it.

Happy with the actual words, she turned her mind to timing. If she laid it out to Dave slowly, then it may all sink in to his logical mind and he may see her need and agree. However, that would give him time to mount counter arguments. After knowing him for eighteen years, she knew his mind like her own and accepted that in a battle of logic, he would win. So, slowly was out. That left her preferred option; shock and awe. Hit him hard, hit him fast, and get his agreement before he had time to settle down.

Was his agreement critical? Shit, yeah. Without it, nothing was going to happen. That was the risk-free part.

Nervously, Lisa stood up and pottered about the kitchen. This was to distract herself from the pain she knew she was about to inflict on her husband. He didn’t in any way deserve it, but without it she wouldn’t get what she deserved. She had to do it. She assuaged her conscience by reminding herself he had forced her into this corner where she had no choice. Ergo, it was his fault.

Lisa looked around the kitchen, trying to remember the last time she’d been there alone on a week day. It had to be at least six months. Up until then it had always been her getting home first and greeting the kids when they got home from school. Why had that changed? Simple. His name was John.

John was drafted in seven months ago, from another office, as her boss. For the first month they’d maintained a standard boss/underling relationship. That changed when he asked her to work late one day. After finishing the work, he’d thanked her by taking her out for dinner. They’d discovered they had much in common. Although he was eight years her junior and single, they shared many common interests, such as the arts, movies, and fashion. Slowly, the compliments about her work, and eventually, her looks, increased. She was flattered, both as a proud employee, and as a woman. A woman who was starting to worry about the effects of time on her attractiveness.

Soon it became a regular thing, and, within a month, all pretence of work was dropped and they hung around after hours just talking, either at work or over coffee somewhere. Within another month, his complaints of being lonely or hating to eat by himself, led her to skip dinner with her family and discretely go to restaurants with him with increasing frequency. By three months in, that included movies and shows as well. It also included many weekends while she showed the out-of-towner the local sights.

She’d covered it at home by saying there was a promotion in the offing and she wanted to stand out from the crowd by putting in the extra hours. She was only slightly ashamed by this ruse, which was made worse by her husband, Dave, fully supporting her new-found ambition. She knew it was wrong for a married woman to behave this way, but damn it, after seventeen years of being a selfless mother, she deserved to do something for herself a couple of hours a day. When she was with John, she felt appreciated and more alive. Sure, her husband said he appreciated her all the time, but there were only so many ways for him to say it, so it had gotten stale over the years.

When she increased her ‘work load’, Dave had quietly stepped up and taken up the slack. After the third time of him coming home to find the kids home alone, he’d voiced the opinion that he thought it inappropriate for their youngest, at thirteen, to be unsupervised. Lisa was still embarrassed at how she’d arced up at that, yelling at him if he wasn’t comfortable with it, he could reduce his hours. She’d woken the next day to find him already gone to work. At 5:00 a.m! That night, she’d come home to find him already there helping the kids with their homework, with dinner started. With only a slight tremble in her voice, she’d thanked him for supporting her career.

When her weekend ‘work’ started, Dave had risen again and taken over the main responsibility of entertaining the kids. Far from finding it a chore, he seemed to love it and rediscovered his purpose in life. The kids loved reconnecting with their dad and much fun was had by all. Even their eldest, at seventeen, gave up some of his time hanging out with his mates to go places with dad and siblings.

Until three months ago, Lisa’s relationship with John had been purely platonic. Then, one Saturday, after a nice lunch and a shower of compliments, John had suggested getting a hotel room for the afternoon. Lisa had laughed at his joke, before noticing with dismay he wasn’t smiling. That had shaken her to the core. She’d quickly made her excuses and left. All the way home she’d mentally cursed John for endangering their friendship by trying to make it sexual. He should have known she would never cheat on her husband.

Monday at work was devastating for Lisa. John treated her coldly and professionally. By the end of the week she was really missing him. There had been no deep and meaningful conversations, no lunches, and absolutely no compliments, even though she’d hung back after work every single day. She recognised the compliments and other affirmations of her professional and womanly strong points had become very important to her ego. Sure, Dave was attentive and complimentary, but it just wasn’t the same.

Two things happened that week that should have screamed ‘obsession’ to Lisa. The first was on Wednesday when she came home to a partially completed dinner. Dave asked her to finish it while he picked their eldest up from soccer training. When he returned, Lisa was still sitting where she’d been when he left. Dinner was late. That triggered the first of their conversations. Dave questioned whether the focus on work was worth it. In front of the children, she’d chewed him out. Taking all her frustrations of being ignored by John out on Dave. She’d calmed down by the time they went to bed. She denied any problems when Dave asked if they were okay. Before the conversation was even finished, Dave saw her mind was focused somewhere else. Consequently, he didn’t even try for some intimacy. All the knockbacks were getting a little demeaning.

On Friday afternoon John came and apologised to Lisa. He excused his behaviour as being prompted by having close contact with such a beautiful, desirable woman and being lonely. Lisa forgave him but reminded him she was a married woman who intended to remain faithful to her husband. John responded by asking Lisa if any of her colleagues would be amenable to relieving his frustration. This triggered every possessive instinct within her. She quickly replied in the negative. They parted good enough friends that she agreed to sneak off and take in lunch and a show the next day.

The second obsession trigger occurred when Lisa arrived home that Friday night. Dave and the kids were packing for camping. When she asked what was going on, they replied this long weekend trip had been planned for a month. They all stared at her incredulously when she denied all knowledge of it. She simply didn’t believe them when they reminded her little else had been talked about over dinner all week. In her opinion, they were unreasonable when they refused to reschedule to the following weekend, saying that this was the last long weekend before the winter set in.

In the end, a disgruntled family left without her and a very pissed Lisa stayed home alone. Her only solace was their absence gave her three days to make up with John. It hit her hard when, after the show the next day, John announced he was unavailable Sunday and Monday. Lisa tried to contact her family to meet them wherever they were, but they were obviously in a non-cell service area. 

Lisa was still pissed off when they returned. She didn’t want to lay into Dave for not knowing where they had gone, just in case they’d told her and she hadn’t listened. She turned him down for intimate contact that night on the grounds she had to be fresh for work. Vague alarm bells went off in her head when Dave suggested her ambitions were leading to her estrangement from her own family. By the time he’d recovered from the chewing out she gave him over this, she was back to planning her week with John.

She woke with a start before 3:00 a.m. It suddenly hit her what damage this weekend and the conversation the previous night was doing to her perfect marriage and family. She felt a chill at the thought of Dave leaving and forcing her to raise the children on her own. This was nothing compared to the thought of losing the wonderful, loving, considerate man she’d chosen as a life partner. Vowing to cool her extramarital friendship, she snuggled up to her husband. He felt wonderful in her arms. She considered waking him up in that special way she used to when they were much younger but decided against it. The poor man had to be up in less than two hours. Subconsciously, Dave must have felt her intimate need, so he came up for a big hug when she walked in the door later that night. Back under John’s spell by then, Lisa hardly returned it.

This set the scene for the next month. Within a week, things with John were back to normal. Her marriage and family were as well. However, it was the new normal. Where the four of them laughed, joked, and interacted, while Lisa distractedly sat outside it all, totally unaware of the worried looks Dave threw her way many times a night. Finally, Dave cracked and begged her to give up on the promotion. He reiterated his love for her and confessed his terror at the effect all this extra work was having on their family.

Unfortunately, he couldn’t have picked a worse day to bare his soul. Just that day, John had finally re-announced his wish to take their friendship to the next level, subtly but firmly making their continued friendship contingent on her agreeing. Lisa was very distracted. The thought of losing all those ego boosting compliments made her shudder.

As Dave begged and pleaded, Lisa was debating what to do. It was a complete no-brainer what would happen if it came down to a straight choice between John and her husband. Dave would win. But there wasn’t a lot she wouldn’t do to avoid making the choice. She needed both of them, one for her need for stability, the other to bolster her flagging, early forties ego.  Long after her husband had lapsed into silence, Lisa was using her considerable intelligence to find a risk-free solution. By 2:00 a.m. she had it.

The very next night she explained her plan to John. Reiterating she would never cheat on her husband, she laid it all out. She would lure Dave into having a threesome where John would just happen to end up as the third wheel. The men had never met so it would simply be a matter of seemingly choosing John at random. If that worked, she’d work on a way of getting some solo time with John later. With Dave’s blessing, it wouldn’t be cheating. She did warn John it would take a while to talk Dave round and asked him to be patient. John didn’t reply immediately. He considered the months he’d already invested in this pursuit. He had complete faith that once her artificial line had been crossed, the floodgates would be open, and she would be his whenever he wanted her, if that is what he chose to do.

Warning her he wouldn’t wait forever, he readily agreed. Lisa was so grateful she didn’t object when he kissed her properly for the first time. She drew the line after several minutes, when he firmly cupped her left breast in his hand. Angry at her own excitement, she pushed his hand away, reminding him of her commitment to be faithful. They went to dinner.

She wasn’t particularly nervous about raising the subject with Dave. They’d always been open and honest about their fantasies and had role played more than a few over the years. She was too tired to raise it that night, preferring to masturbate after Dave was asleep. The next night, the atmosphere just didn’t feel right, so she again waited for Dave to go to sleep. This time, as she masturbated, she couldn’t help a small moan escaping. Her imagined coupling with John was just so hot. With a small amount of horror, she was interrupted by Dave rolling towards her.

“This is a bit unfair, isn’t it?”

“Why? What’s unfair?”

“You laying there, pleasuring yourself, after knocking me back for the last few months.”

Lisa was shocked. Surely it couldn’t have been that long.

“Has it really been that long, darling?”

“Too bloody right it has. Since you started going for that promotion, you’ve either been too tired, too grumpy, or simply told me to bugger off when I tried to start something.”

Even feeling as chagrined as she did, Lisa still recognised this was a golden opportunity to raise the subject she wanted to. She spent a few minutes justifying to herself the effect her obsession with John was having on her marriage. Then she sought a way to open the conversation. She was so busy, she didn’t take note when Dave sighed and turned away again.

She realised bringing up the idea of a threesome after a four-month drought may affect Dave’s ego. It might imply that he alone just didn’t do it for her any more. No, the safer path was to re-establish relations with Dave first. She rolled towards him and tugged him to her. Once on his back, he began snoring. Lisa was too embarrassed to even continue masturbating. She had to get this shit out of her system shortly, before it did any damage to her marriage. Lisa worried. Until John came into her life, there was absolutely nothing wrong with her marriage or her sex life.

After two days of inaction, John was a little upset with Lisa the next day. She had to kiss him again to stop him criticising her. This time he behaved and didn’t go for a grope. It did make her horny enough to tongue kiss Dave when she got home and rub his groin while doing it. Dave’s eyes lit up. They didn’t even wait for the kids to go to bed. As soon as dinner was over they retired to the little outdoor shed Dave had built to house their jacuzzi. It was his solution to maintaining a healthy sex life as their children got older. Once inside, Dave attacked her. After her commenting on his impatience, Dave defended himself by saying he didn’t want to give her time to change her mind.

Dave was considerate as usual, but Lisa only managed to hit her peak when she closed her eyes and remembered John’s bulge twitching against her leg that afternoon. The next morning, Saturday, Dave woke her in that special way she used to love; with his tongue caressing her sex. He no doubt thought she put the pillow over her face to stifle her moans. In reality, even with her eyes closed, she had trouble pretending Dave was John. It was a pleasant but confusing experience for Lisa.

That night she felt bold enough to broach the touchy subject with her husband. After complimenting his performance over the last twenty-four hours, she delicately raised that, after so many years, they were getting a little stale and she had become a bit obsessed with the idea of a threesome. With his open and honest outlook on life, Dave immediately suggested they role play it. This was going better than Lisa expected.

So, it was back to the jacuzzi, this time with Lisa’s vibrator. There followed two weeks of bliss. One night they were in the 69 position, with Lisa on top, Dave sawed the vibrator in and out of her pussy, while he licked her. Another night, it was the reverse cowgirl position, Lisa stimulated her own clit with the vibrator that, in her mind’s eye, was a tongue. Another night, she was on her hands and knees sucking Dave’s cock, while stimulating herself with the vibrator. Best of all, was when she was riding Dave, cowgirl style, kissing him, while he used his wet finger to gently stroke her anus. In her mind, that was another tongue. After every session, they collapsed on the custom provided mattress, exhausted.

In fact, the renewed sex with Dave almost made Lisa give up her plan. By a week and a half into what she thought of as Dave’s conditioning period, John was getting very impatient and the compliments were definitely drying up. She found herself having to kiss him practically every day or two just to keep him interested. Eventually, even that wasn’t enough, and she felt John withdrawing again. She knew she had to advance her timetable.

Two days later, after another marathon session in the jacuzzi shed, Lisa thought she finally had the courage to ask the question this had all been leading up to. Dave beat her to it.

“Darling, the last few weeks have been great. It’s been a huge turn on doing you while our, er, guest licks you. Do you think you would lick her as well? How can we role play that?”

Lisa recoiled in shock as she realised the last two weeks of what seemed like total connectedness had actually been a huge disconnect.

“WHAT? You think I want a threesome with another woman?”

“Isn’t that what this has all been about?”

Dave sounded genuinely confused. Lisa realised they’d never talked details. She couldn’t blame him for the misunderstanding.  

“No, Dave, I was thinking about another man.”

“Oh.”

Lisa realised there was no time like the present. Steeling her courage, she launched into her prepared speech.

“Listen, honey, the last few weeks have been real exciting for me. Is there any chance we can think about doing it for real? With an actual man I mean.”

Dave actually gave this the serious consideration he thought it deserved.

“Well, Lisa. Off the cuff, I’d have to say it would almost certainly be a bad move. I can’t see any good coming from it. I thought the idea of a threesome with another woman turned us both on. I’ve gotta tell you, the idea of you with another man does nothing for me.”

“What if it was really important to me, Dave?”

Again, Dave thought.

“I’d have to think about it, Lis. Just thinking out loud, about the only way I would ever consider bringing in another guy would be if another time we invited another girl…”

“NO!”

“You wouldn’t have to do anything with her, Lis. I could…”

“I said no, Dave. Ugh, the mere thought of you with another woman just makes me so angry. Forget it, Dave. It’s never going to happen.”

“Then you have answered your own question, Lis. Another guy isn’t going to happen either.”

Lisa heard in his tone the end of her plans. There was no way she was going to compromise, so Dave wasn’t even going to think about it. What the hell was she going to tell John tomorrow?

As expected, John was not a happy camper. He criticized Lisa for not trying hard enough, then snubbed her for the rest of the week. As usual, Lisa took out her frustrations on Dave.

Monday, John asked her to stay behind so they could talk. He seemed genuinely sad when he told Lisa he could no longer stand being around such a beautiful woman who was sexually unavailable to him. Her husband had forced her into a position where she had to choose between them and she had chosen her loser husband. He respected that, even though it hurt. He kissed her goodbye, asked her to remember him fondly, and knew she would understand their relationship had to return to a professional one. He then turned to walk away.

“Wait!”

John stopped and turned.

“Give me another week, please.”

“What do you have in mind, Lisa?”

“I don’t know, John. Just give me a week to plan something.”

With another kiss, they parted. Dave noted Lisa was back to her old, distracted self again that weekend. He thought about her hot and cold mood swings over the last few weeks and about her recent obsession with threesomes. Now he had another thing to worry about. Why had her lipstick been smeared when she came home late on Friday? Time to do some digging.

Not having participated in any family activities over the weekend, giving her more time to think, Lisa excitedly cornered John after work on Monday. His eyes lit up as she explained her plan. Half way through he interrupted.

“You know, Lisa. He may want something in return for this.”

“Well, there are things I’m willing to give him and things that are not negotiable. We’ll have to see. Just remember, sweetheart, if at the end of the day he says no, I will give up our plans all together. I’m sorry, John. That’s just how it has to be.”

John said he did understand and if she needed someone to do a dry run on, he was always available. With his tacit approval, Lisa pretty much spent all of Tuesday and Wednesday at work planning her speech. She started with the basic premise that whatever she did had to be risk free. It couldn’t possibly endanger her marriage and family. She likened it to playing poker. She’d won a $1,000 pot and didn’t want to risk it. She wanted to lock that in a time delayed safe so even she couldn’t access it. Then she could continue playing knowing she could win another $1,000, but even if she lost, she still had the original.

On Wednesday night, John took her to dinner for a full-dress rehearsal. After the main course, he told her to give him her best shot.

“Well, John, I’ve decided to hit him hard and fast tomorrow night. I’ll start by reminding him how much I love him. Lay it on thick about the kids, you know, how I look forward to their graduations, attending their weddings, and grandkids christenings. Then remind him about the plans we’ve talked about for our retirement.”

John’s mind drifted at this point. Typical woman. She launched straight into the emotive bullshit that would work brilliantly with another woman. They never seemed to realise men were far less emotive and more rational.

“Are you listening, John?”

“Of course, Lisa.”

“Well, after that I’ll remind him that I gave him an opportunity to participate in me having some harmless fun, but he rejected it. I’ll tell him he forced my hand and I intend taking a lover Friday night. Before he has a chance to process this, I’ll lay it on thick about it being just sex, a bit of unemotional fun. I’m sorry, John, I’ll have to lie a bit there. If he wants to prove his love for me, he’ll let me do it. I reckon I have a 70/30 chance of him saying yes right there and then. What do you think so far?”

John silently put the odds much lower than this but wasn’t about to say it. He put his odds of scoring this MILF way less than 50 percent but what the hell. It was the thrill of the chase that mattered. He reckoned he could bed her once with zero risk. Many more times and the risk of discovery and being sacked for having sex with a subordinate, would rise exponentially. Why do it more than once? He’d done this before and realised he’d already had 90 percent of the fun. But by maximising the chances of Lisa succeeding, he might get the last 10 percent.

“If I was your husband, at this point, I would at least demand an open marriage.”

“Well, he can forget that. I don’t share. If he insists, I will back down straight away. Him taking another woman would end our marriage. That can’t happen.”

“You know you have the ultimate weapon to stop him, don’t you?”

“What weapon?”

“Threaten divorce and him living in the poor house with no access to the kids if he insists on retaliation.”

“No, I couldn’t hurt him like that. Not even as a threat I have no intention of following through with.”

“Why not inflict a little pain, Lisa? It’s his fault, after all. If he’d gone along with the threesome idea, we wouldn’t be here now, would we?”

At this point, John grabbed Lisa’s hands and looked lovingly into her eyes.

“Come on, Lisa. You deserve this. After seventeen years as a dutiful wife and slave to an ungrateful husband and needy kids, you’ve earned it.”

Lisa looked into those eyes and felt the warm tingle in her groin.

“I suppose so.”

“That’s my girl.”

“Well, don’t get too excited, John. If, at the end of this conversation, I even suspect Dave is not on board, then I give in completely. Fair enough? So, can you see any flaws? Can you see how I can possibly lose?”

John was firmly thinking about himself as he replied.

“No, Lisa. It’s definitely a no-lose situation.”

He shook his head at the depth of this woman’s delusions.

While they were waiting for dessert, Lisa added a few notes to her outline. When the meal was over, John walked her out to her car and kissed her goodnight. This time she didn’t resist as he cupped and squeezed her breast but responded by pushing her leg into his crotch. She felt the twitching of his manhood through his trousers and almost swooned. John briefly thought about pressing his advantage, but that would spoil the fun.

“Okay, lover. I’ll book us a room for Friday night.”

“Can’t we go to your place? I’ve never even seen it.”

“No way. The walls are way too thin, and you’ll be screaming way too much; I can assure you of that.”

On trembling legs, Lisa went home to her family. She was even more distracted than normal. At one point, she realised she was alone, and everyone had gone to bed. Consequently, she slept in the next day and only woke just in time to see the kids off. She reminded them she had arranged for Dave’s parents to pick them up for a sleepover that night and checked they had all they needed. She’d arranged the day off. She had to call John at least five times to maintain her courage during the day.

She knew her major Achilles heel was her inability to lie convincingly. The obvious question Dave would raise, when given her ultimatum, was, did she already have someone in mind? In front of a mirror, she practiced saying no. She intended going out and allowing herself to be seduced. Anything else would spur questions she wasn’t at all comfortable with. She convinced herself that by remaining cool, calm, and collected, she could pull it off.

SO, HERE SHE was, sitting at the kitchen table waiting to bushwhack her husband who was due any minute. It was Thursday night, twenty-four hours short of a much-anticipated event. The kids were overnighting at their grandparents. Lisa was totally ready. She just kept repeating to herself.

“Shock and awe.”

“Be firm.”

“Can’t lose.”

“I deserve this.”

Dave walked in at 5:30 p.m. An hour and a half after his new usual time of 4:00 p.m. Lisa figured he did that because he knew she had the day off. He saw Lisa sitting at the kitchen table with a three-quarter empty bottle of wine. She rarely had more than one glass, so Dave not only knew this was a very special occasion but that her defences would be weak.

“Hiya, Lis. What are we celebrating? Did you get that promotion?”

“We aren’t celebrating, darling, at least, not yet. Please sit down. We have to talk, Dave.”

Lisa was surprised at herself. Even with the Dutch courage she’d drunk, she was more nervous than she expected. She silently repeated her mantra.

“Shock and awe.”

“Be firm.”

“Can’t lose.”

“I deserve this.”

Dave beat her to it.

“I’m guessing this has something to do with the fact you have been so distracted for a long time now. Something to do with the fact you’ve almost totally ignored your family for the last half year. Something to do with the fact that, apart from two glorious weeks, we haven’t had sex for five months.”

“Dave, I…”

“No, don’t tell me, Lisa, let me guess. You really love me. You are looking forward to sharing the kid’s graduations, weddings, etcetera with me. You can’t wait until we attend our grandchildren’s christenings and retire to live a life of love and luxury together. Despite all that, because I didn’t go along with your plan of sharing you in a sneaky threesome, you intend cuckolding me with your lover. When? Tonight? Tomorrow night?”

Dave paused at this point. Alarm bells were screaming in Lisa’s head. Dave had just covered the first page and a half of her notes with stunning accuracy. If she’d been thinking rationally, she would have realised her husband thought much better in a crisis than she did. He’d proved it the two times he’d saved one of their children’s lives while she just stood there like a stunned mullet. She was well and truly rattled. In a panic, she reverted to what she knew. Her memorised and re-memorised speech.

“But I deserve this, Dave, I… I… It would just be sex, Dave. A bit of unemotional fun. Something to spice things up for us.”

With no interruption from her husband and in her panic, Lisa simply rolled into the next part of her speech, completely forgetting it was contingent on Dave’s expected responses. It was the latest addition to the script, being John’s suggestion of last night and she hadn’t memorised it as well as the rest.

“You can’t sleep with other women. I’ll divorce you. I could make it so you never see the kids. The courts will take all your salary for house payments, alimony, and child support…”

Lisa stopped as the expression on Dave’s face finally registered on her befuddled mind. It wasn’t the look of hurt she’d been steeling herself to resist. It definitely wasn’t the look of resigned acceptance she’d dreamt about. It was a look of thunder personified.

“I… I…”

“What’s his name, Lisa?”

“Wh… whose name, Dave?”

“The name of the stealing fuck who played on the paranoia of a worried, middle-aged housewife. A woman terrified of her fading looks. A woman who gave in to a lowlife prick that played up to her genetic drive to procreate one last time before it’s too late. WHAT IS HIS NAME, LISA?”

This was so far off all Lisa’s preparations for this conversation she was totally incapable of rational thought. She simply responded to her husband’s order.

“John, but he’s not like that. Not at all…”

“How long have you been fucking him, Lisa?”

“I never… we haven’t. Dave, I would never cheat on you.”

“Bullshit, Lisa. You’ve been coming home late every single day for six months. Going out on weekends and just about totally ignoring your family. Cutting me off emotionally and physically. Was it his idea that you stopped fucking me as soon as he started? His idea to invite me for an intimate threesome just so he could cuckold me in person?”

Lisa was suffering from a combination of being offended and horrified at the same time. How could she prove Dave was wrong?

“No, you’ve got it all wrong, Dave. The late nights and weekends were just he and I talking, just going to dinner together and talking.”

“I’m calling bullshit, Lisa. What about last night when you came in with your dress all creased and your lipstick all over the place? I know what you look like after you’ve just had a quickie, Lisa. I’ve had eighteen years to learn, remember.”

Lisa was yelling now, desperate to get him to understand.

“NO, NO, NO! I haven’t cheated, Dave. I would never cheat. It was just talking, dinners, and kissing. You have to believe me. I would never cheat.”

Dave stopped and rested his face in his hands. Lisa had never seen him cry and she wasn’t about to now. They both sat there stunned for several minutes. Dave finally looked up when he thought his face was no longer giving anything away. He was wrong. Lisa was a perceptive woman and knew eyes close to tears when she saw them. She was horrified she’d caused this amount of pain. This couldn’t be happening. She couldn’t lose. Desperately marshalling her thoughts, she remembered her script. Last page. The ultimate get-out-of-jail-free clause. That’s it. She would give up her plans with John. She would capitulate completely. No harm, no foul, right? The situation was salvageable. Unfortunately, once again Dave beat her to it.

“Well done, Lisa, your cheating has killed our marriage and our family. Shit, it has killed me. I can’t believe you threatened to take my kids away from me.”

Dave rose and slowly shuffled towards the door. Something about the way he said, ‘killed me’, sent an extra alarm bell ringing. It sounded so dead and final. Dave made it out the door and almost to his car before she recovered enough to chase after him. He hadn’t given her a chance to play her get-out-of-jail-free card. He had his hand on the door handle of his car before she was close enough to cry out.

“But I didn’t cheat!”

Dave stopped dead. Without turning around, he spoke in a deadpan voice.

“Staying away from your family to spend time with another man, while lying to us about the reason. Going to dinner with him. Kissing him. If that’s not cheating, I don’t know what is, Lisa? It’s over, Lisa.”

Lisa sank to her knees, too shocked and awed to support herself. She watched her husband drive off, too stunned to even cry. Can’t lose? She reflexively thought back to her preparations for their confrontation. The only time the dissolution of their marriage should have been discussed, was when she issued her hollow threat. It had never occurred to her Dave could dissolve it as well.   

Lisa gave herself the luxury of feeling sorry for herself for a little over an hour. The knowledge she had perhaps terminally fucked up a really good thing, was just too big a deal to handle and she shoved it forcibly into the background. This left another big worry in her heart. Dave’s words as he left, but more importantly, his demeanour, had set off all sorts of alarm bells in her head. For the first time she worried about the effect her, well, let’s not mince words, ultimatum, really had on her husband. A man she knew lived for her and his family. She was terrified he may harm himself. Would he? She’d stated plainly what they both knew. In the event of a divorce, he would lose custody of the children and lose most of his pay and assets. They both knew of couples where the ex-wife refused to let the husband see his kids, supported by the pro-feminist court system. Would he contemplate harming himself? Shit, yeah.

Panic set in. There was no answer on Dave’s cell. She rang her in-laws to see if Dave was there. He had been but was now gone. They were confused. Dave had only stayed a little while, then left after hugging all three of the children. Lisa jumped in her car and drove around to every bar she could think of in the area, looking for his car. She was so distracted she ran out of fuel and had to call her dad to bring a jerry can. He saw she was in no fit state to drive, so he took her home. Once there, she broke down and told her parents Dave had left her. She could see the hurt in her mother’s eyes. Her father’s words left nothing to the imagination on what he thought of his son-in-law. Eventually, her mother conceded the logic of Lisa waiting at home and dropped her back to her car. Lisa went home and in the wee small hours, fell asleep on the couch.

The nightmares finally woke her at 7:00 a.m. Before she could recover from the grogginess, the panic hit again. She feverishly checked her phone for messages; there were none. She dialled Dave’s cell. It went straight to message bank, like it was turned off or flat. After all, his charger was right next to hers on the kitchen counter. She rang his work, only to be told he hadn’t shown. She rang the police but when she told them why her husband had left, they said she was on her own. By this time, it was 8:00a.m., so she got Dave’s address book and phoned every friend she could find a number for. Everyone said they hadn’t seen him. 

She then literally spent all day driving to every possible place she could think of, returning to the house every two hours or so to see if Dave’s car was there. It never was, and his cell continually went to message bank.

The only time reality impinged on her frantic, but pointless activity, was when a message arrived on her phone. It was a simple one from John. ‘Hyatt, room 707, 6PM’. You know how you cringe when someone runs their fingernails down a blackboard? That’s what Lisa’s soul did when she read that message. She buried that deep as well. The next phone call was from Dave’s parents. They still hadn’t heard anything and wanted to know what to do with the kids. Lisa asked them to look after them until further notice.

Returning home, Lisa sat on the couch and cried and cried. She must have slept on the couch again as she woke with a start at 3:30 a.m. She wept again, as the now familiar hopelessness washed over her. She tried to picture Dave’s face but couldn’t. She knew then with an illogical certainty, David was dead. She felt insanity beckoning. NO, she thought, I can’t face that. With practiced ease, that thought was buried deep as well.

With dread, Lisa got back in her car. As she did, she noticed her cell on the passenger seat where she’d left it. There was one message from her eldest and six from John. She listened to the single one, just saying she missed her mum, but ignored the six. Lisa then spent the time till about 10:00 a.m. driving around the possible local suicide spots, looking for Dave’s car. Bridges, ravines, any place out of the way where he could have parked his car and put a hose on the tail pipe. Nothing.

Desperate, Lisa rang his folks again and with still no news from them, all his friends again. This time, the call to Dave’s oldest friend, actually an old boss of his, gave her the suspicion he wasn’t being totally honest. She looked up his address and decided to drive past his house to see if she could see Dave’s car. He lived in quite an affluent neighbourhood. She found the house, but there was no sign of Dave.

As she drove away, her eyes were drawn to a distinctive Lexus, three doors down. It was John’s car. It was parked outside another flash looking house, along with many others. Suddenly, the idea of getting some comfort from a man who was, above everything else, her friend, appealed to her. She parked and went up the path to the front door. The sounds of muted revelry inside, told her a Saturday afternoon party was going on. Beside the door was a panel, flush with the wall, with a security keypad, bell push, and intercom button. She pressed a button. The door was answered by the general manager of her company.

“Hello, Lisa, isn’t it?”

“Yes, Mr. Goldsmith, I saw John Stanhope’s car outside. Could I speak to him please?”

“Of course, Lisa. Would you like to come in?”

Lisa thought of her two-day old clothes and haggard looks.

“No thank you, sir, I’ll wait here if it’s okay with you.”

“Sure, I’ll get him for you.”

A little over a minute later, John came through the door. He took one look at Lisa, then looked around to make sure they weren’t being observed. He deliberately shut the door, took Lisa in his arms, pressed her against the wall and kissed her. Lisa was torn between her need for comfort and her need to blame someone for her desperate predicament.  The human craving for comfort won, with a compromise. She broke the kiss and just hugged him desperately.

“What happened last night, Lisa? Where were you?”

“Oh, John, it’s terrible. Dave came home Thursday night and it was like he knew everything. He accused me of cheating on him. I told him that we had only talked, been out to dinner a few times and kissed, but I could tell he didn’t believe me. He knew what I was going to say. He even knew I was going to tell him that I planned to have sex with you last night. I think he may have gone somewhere and done something stupid. No one has seen him since Thursday…”

At that point the door opened again and a furious looking woman stormed out.

“You asshole. Is this what you were doing while I was waiting to move up here? We moved to get away from all this shit. You promised never again.”

At this, she lost it and went for John’s face with her fingernails. He put his arms up to protect himself. On pure reflex, Lisa grabbed the screaming harridan to protect her friend. The angry woman, seeing an unprotected target, swung around and with a tremendous backhand, knocked her against the wall of the house. Lisa’s back once again inadvertently pressed the intercom button. Briefly, her cry of pain was heard in the foyer. She slid slowly to the ground, stunned. The formidable woman returned to trying to get through John’s defences.

Suddenly, the big boss came out the door and gently but firmly grabbed the flailing woman’s arms.

“Come now, Mrs. Stanhope, violence isn’t the answer.”

“That slut has been messing around with my husband.”

“Yes, I heard. But there are more civilised ways of sorting problems out than murder.”

He looked from John to Lisa and back.

“You two, my office, nine o’clock Monday.”

He took John’s wife’s arm and led her back inside, closing the door behind him. John let out a sob and bolted for his car, leaving a woman still slumped on the ground suffering from severe brain overload. She finally summoned the mental energy to go home. She rang her mum who, when she heard what a terrible state Lisa was in, convinced her father to pick her up and bring her to her childhood home. She cried all night and slept most of the next day before crying all night again.

AT 11:00A.M. MONDAY, the general manager of Lisa’s company met with his HR manageress.

“So, what do you want to do, boss?”

“I can’t really do anything until I get her side of the story. Plus, I promised Mrs. Stanhope that I wouldn’t fire her husband until she’d made up her mind what she wants to do. I know she’s taken the kids and gone to her mother’s place. We can’t fire Mrs. Brown for cause, until we get her story, can we?”

“No, not really. But she wasn’t here today or Friday and hasn’t rung in sick. If we haven’t heard from her by close of business tomorrow, she is in breach of her contract and essentially fires herself.”

“Good, that sounds much cleaner. Did you believe his story that they never had sex? Just kissed and had intimate conversations.”

“Who cares, boss? It’s still cheating; however you look at it.”

“Yes, you’re right. Why can’t people just be satisfied with what they have?”

The HR manageress just shrugged her shoulders and left.

BY MONDAY EVENING, Lisa had recovered enough to ring the in-laws to check on the children. She thought she had the strength to see the kids now but didn’t want to face Dave’s parents. She couldn’t stand the thought their son might be dead and she was the cause. She would adlib a way of getting them to drop the children home without facing the music.

Shocked is just not a strong enough word to describe how Lisa felt when Dave’s mother told her all three kids had no wish to see her, and if she came over, they would call the police. Lisa didn’t recover in time to say anything before the connection was broken. 

Lisa woke up very confused. She was on the kitchen floor, stiff and sore. She realised with shock, she’d wet herself. She staggered to the bathroom and had a long shower. As she was drying herself, the setting sun caught her attention. It had been just after sunset when she’d made that phone call. She rushed downstairs and looked at her cell phone screen. It was 6:00p.m. Tuesday. She had been out of it for damn near twenty-four hours. What the hell?

One of the advantages was she felt fresher than she had in days. She used her resurgent energy to resolve she would take back control of her life. The sudden realisation Dave could be dead, tried to bring her down, but she managed to suppress it. One of the sources of her strength had always been her children. She decided to go to the in-law’s house, unannounced, and bring them back.

Arriving at Dave’s parents place, she was surprised to see her parent’s car there. As she pulled up, they were just coming out the door. They grabbed her and hustled her back to her car. Lisa resisted, screaming she wanted to see her children. Her father told her they weren’t there, then told her to follow them back to their place, which Lisa did. When she walked in the door, her mum was putting the kettle on.

“Where are my children?”

“Calm down, Lisa, they’re fine. Dave has them,” Lisa’s father said.

“You saw Dave? He’s alive?”

“Of course. We’ve just spent an hour talking to him.”

“Where is he?”

Her father looked at her mother. They were obviously uncomfortable. “Um, he’s taken the kids to meet some people.”

Lisa’s mother interrupted impatiently. “Lisa, Dave told us his version of what happened last week. I must say, it was much more believable than that fiction you told us. We’re both very disappointed in you, not to mention, ashamed. Shit, what were you thinking, girl?”

Lisa bowed her head and remained silent. Her mother continued, “To answer your question, after you gave him no choice but to leave, Dave went back to work and met an old friend.”

“Oh god, not Debbie.”

Deborah Harris was the daughter of the guy that owned Dave’s company. She was an ex-girlfriend of Dave’s and had been a minor source of worry to Lisa for years, despite Dave’s reassurances. Lisa knew they’d only separated in the first place when Deb was sent to an exclusive business college far away from their home town. She also knew Deborah-bloody-Harris was recently divorced.

The look between her parents confirmed her worst fears.

“When she saw what a state he was in, she took Dave home. He needed somewhere to stay, so he went with her. He’s been there since then. Um, Lisa, he came and got the kids tonight so they could meet Debbie and her children to see if they all get on. David assures us that nothing has ever happened between them prior to this, and, er, hasn’t happened yet, but they seem to be getting on extremely well.”

“He can’t do that. He has to give me a chance.”

“From what he told us, Lisa, he gave you plenty of chances over the last six months. He said he was devastated you had lied to him about working extra to get a promotion, while all the time you were cheating with another man. Who can blame him?”

“I did not cheat.”

Lisa’s father broke in. “Stupid girl. Cheating doesn’t just mean intercourse. He said he considered that you had cheated the first time you lied to him about working late and spent time in intimate conversation with another man and I fully agree with him. I’ll tell you, if your mother did that, she’d have gravel rash on her ass from hitting the path out front. He told us how you’d come home last Wednesday with your lipstick all smeared. Sounds like cheating to me. He quickly found your sordid little notes where you planned to bushwhack him into agreeing to let you screw around. He said it broke his heart to see how cold, calculating, and callous those notes were. Detailing the carrots and the sticks you pre-planned to use. Honestly, how could you embarrass us like that? I can’t believe that you threatened to never let him see his kids and send him to the poor house.”

“I didn’t…I didn’t mean it. I was going to totally give in if he wasn’t willing to go along with it. He never gave me the chance.”

Lisa returned to silence and looking down at the table when she saw both her parents shaking their heads. In the cold glare of her parent’s disapproval, she saw things as Dave must have. The lies, the deceit, the disrespect, and the emotional gulf between them for six months. She knew her marriage was over. Her parents gave her time to come to terms with all this.

“How are the kids and I going to survive without Dave?”

Lisa’s parents shared a sad glance. Her dad nodded at her mum.

“Lisa, Dave said he’d spent the last five days asking himself if the children would be better off with you or him. He concluded that because of the threats you made against him, he couldn’t risk it being you.”

Her mum looked at her dad again. He took his wife’s hand and squeezed it to lend her strength.

“I have to tell you, Lisa. We agree with him. Look at it from our point of view. If we support you, then there’s a chance we won’t be able to see our only grandchildren again.”

Lisa was stunned. Again, they gave her the time to think. She could feel the anger mounting.

“So, you’re betraying me?”

Her dad couldn’t help himself.

“You started it, Lisa.”

This verbal slap went over Lisa’s head.

“I’ll fight you all. The courts always give custody to the mother. He can’t prove I cheated. I didn’t cheat.”

“Lisa, Lisa, Lisa. He doesn’t have to prove anything. He just has to want out of the marriage. The children are of an age where the family court will take their opinions into consideration when deciding custody. I’ll tell you, they were there tonight and if the court had asked them right then, you’d never see them again.”

“And I’ll tell you, when I win, you can kiss goodbye to ever seeing MY children again.”

With her last bridge burnt, Lisa ran to her car and they both screamed off.

EPILOGUE

An interim court order was handed down two weeks later. Dave’s employment, relationship with his children, position as primary caregiver for the previous six months, new but stable living relationship, plus the children’s wishes, were added to his generous offer of visitation. Balanced against that was a bedraggled mother with no job or work references and with no capacity to buy out the necessary half of the family home. The judge ruled with a clear conscience.

By the time the obligatory twelve months of living apart had passed and the divorce became final, Lisa had returned to much of her old self. Her parents had gladly forgiven her for the angry outburst. Most importantly, she’d committed to being the best mother she could be, four days a fortnight. She even agreed to join Dave and his new fiancé for a wake when the final paperwork came through.

She barely batted an eyelid when the nasty email arrived from John blaming her for his divorce and firing.

Many nights of pondering and self-reflection had made her conclude the reason her marriage failed was she was just greedy. When she should have been happy with what she had, she seized the opportunity to try for more.

Really, the only thing that marred her resigned happiness were the nightmares. Initially, they happened every night but were fading to once or twice a week. The worst was what sounded like a church choir singing.

“Shock and awe.”

“Be firm.”

“Can’t lose.”

“I deserve this.”

Nowadays she seemed to be able to go back to sleep fairly easily by saying to herself.

“Well, one out of four ain’t bad, is it?”

THE END

This story was partially inspired by an experiment I once saw on TV. A Psychologist ran an experiment twice with one tiny variation.

Experiment A: They stopped people in a busy market and asked them to participate. In this variant, they handed the person $20 and said they had two choices. They could walk away with the $20 or they could risk it on the spin of a roulette wheel. If their colour came up, the experimenter would add another $30 and they would walk away with $50. They then took the $20 off them.

Experiment B: They offered the same deal but didn’t give them the $20 to hold.  About 60 percent of the subjects in experiment B took the $20 and walked.

Something like 70 percent in experiment A gambled. It was a complete turnaround. The only difference was that in A, they’d held the $20. The Psychologist used that to demonstrate that once humans have held something of value in their hands, they will fight to get it back.

Lisa, in the story above, had held something of value in her hands. The warm, fuzzy feeling of being desired and flattered. When it was withdrawn, she fought to get it back. Just a pity that her definition of cheating was different to Dave’s. That happens. If you and your partner have a deal that neither cheats, then it is a good idea to define cheating.

++++++++++++++++++++++

Misogynist humour

How many misogynists does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Let the bitch cook in the dark.

Misogynist philosophy

If a tree falls in a forest and there is only a woman there to hear it. What the fuck is she doing out of the kitchen?

Remember, it’s fine to find the above jokes funny. It’s not fine to believe them.